Before we start off tonight... A word about poor planning.
One of my very favorite holiday traditions is drinking egg nog in my underwear. This year I purchased two quarts of egg nog for that very purpose. The first quart went down smooth and quick. I enjoyed every drop of that first carton in a spirited, holiday fashion. The second quart I was saving till the last possible moment. Too bad for me, I saved that dairy product beyond my midnight time frame last night and it is set to expire before the end of the month.
I shall have to throw that second carton away. :(
A funny anecdote...
It was 11:45 last night when the assembled gathering got off the kitchen floor (literally) to get ready for the big ball to drop. We used the restroom, got washed up, grabbed beverages and scurried down stairs to grab seating for the countdown.
We watched Ryan Seacrest and Mum-Ra on mute for a few minutes as the anticipation began to build. Someone asked me, 'What was the last meat you had?' I thought about it long an hard and realized it was some Hillshire Farms Beef Lit'l Smokies in my Ramen earlier in the day. This did not upset me. I wasn't even thinking about it and the fact that it wasn't a rib-eye steak didn't bother me at all.
Calvin overhears the conversations and mentions something about a bologna from Pennsylvania. He said it was incredible and that he had it with him and that I should try it. I shrugged, looking at the clock it was already 11:57:03. There is no possible way that he could run up stairs, cut some bologna, bring it back down and have me bite, chew and eat it in less than three minutes. Not possible. I am a slow eater.
Did I mention that I took the Olympic silver medal in slow eating in China 2008?
Still, there was no way...
Then the most amazing thing happened, Calvin handed me a slice of the sweetest, smokiest, most savory piece of meat that those Amish bastards have ever crafted. He bent the rules of space-time so that I, a man on omnivore death row could have one last bite of meat.
And it was the best meat I had eaten that entire year. The best bite of meat I had in 2011 came with a little over a minute to spare and had nothing to do emotionally with me becoming a pod-person minute later. I apologize to all the steaks, chicken drumsticks and kabobs, but you all got your asses beat by that bologna.
That bologna didn't just have a first name, that shit had a first, middle, confirmation and last name!
Thinking about it now, I'm not even sure what it was... Could have been donkey, I wouldn't care.
Day one ends with a sis-boom-bah...
Had a bunch of vegan food today. It's like real food without any body to it... (get it?) I'm not going to wax philosophical about the contents of my food, that not my style. This is not a recipe blog. This is a blog about discovery. I feel very much like Christopher Columbus. Like Christopher, I am starting off from a familiar land and entering unknown territory. And like Christopher, my problem is that there are already people there.
I want to thank all my vegan and vegetarian friends... and those that experimented with it in college... But I have to figure out a majority of this out on my own. It's the whole reason I did this in the first place. I'll come to you if I need help in certain areas, but I really appreciate your support. I've asked one or two friends already for their guidance and I may need more in the future, but for right now, all I need is support.
Wow...
Someone told me earlier today that I should start looking at the labels on food packaging. Someone must really think that I am a colossal moron. Thanks for that vote of confidence. I'm 31 not 6.
The Happy Bits... Cracker Jack is vegan!!!
One of my very favorite holiday traditions is drinking egg nog in my underwear. This year I purchased two quarts of egg nog for that very purpose. The first quart went down smooth and quick. I enjoyed every drop of that first carton in a spirited, holiday fashion. The second quart I was saving till the last possible moment. Too bad for me, I saved that dairy product beyond my midnight time frame last night and it is set to expire before the end of the month.
I shall have to throw that second carton away. :(
A funny anecdote...
It was 11:45 last night when the assembled gathering got off the kitchen floor (literally) to get ready for the big ball to drop. We used the restroom, got washed up, grabbed beverages and scurried down stairs to grab seating for the countdown.
We watched Ryan Seacrest and Mum-Ra on mute for a few minutes as the anticipation began to build. Someone asked me, 'What was the last meat you had?' I thought about it long an hard and realized it was some Hillshire Farms Beef Lit'l Smokies in my Ramen earlier in the day. This did not upset me. I wasn't even thinking about it and the fact that it wasn't a rib-eye steak didn't bother me at all.
Calvin overhears the conversations and mentions something about a bologna from Pennsylvania. He said it was incredible and that he had it with him and that I should try it. I shrugged, looking at the clock it was already 11:57:03. There is no possible way that he could run up stairs, cut some bologna, bring it back down and have me bite, chew and eat it in less than three minutes. Not possible. I am a slow eater.
Did I mention that I took the Olympic silver medal in slow eating in China 2008?
Still, there was no way...
Then the most amazing thing happened, Calvin handed me a slice of the sweetest, smokiest, most savory piece of meat that those Amish bastards have ever crafted. He bent the rules of space-time so that I, a man on omnivore death row could have one last bite of meat.
And it was the best meat I had eaten that entire year. The best bite of meat I had in 2011 came with a little over a minute to spare and had nothing to do emotionally with me becoming a pod-person minute later. I apologize to all the steaks, chicken drumsticks and kabobs, but you all got your asses beat by that bologna.
That bologna didn't just have a first name, that shit had a first, middle, confirmation and last name!
Thinking about it now, I'm not even sure what it was... Could have been donkey, I wouldn't care.
Day one ends with a sis-boom-bah...
Had a bunch of vegan food today. It's like real food without any body to it... (get it?) I'm not going to wax philosophical about the contents of my food, that not my style. This is not a recipe blog. This is a blog about discovery. I feel very much like Christopher Columbus. Like Christopher, I am starting off from a familiar land and entering unknown territory. And like Christopher, my problem is that there are already people there.
I want to thank all my vegan and vegetarian friends... and those that experimented with it in college... But I have to figure out a majority of this out on my own. It's the whole reason I did this in the first place. I'll come to you if I need help in certain areas, but I really appreciate your support. I've asked one or two friends already for their guidance and I may need more in the future, but for right now, all I need is support.
Wow...
Someone told me earlier today that I should start looking at the labels on food packaging. Someone must really think that I am a colossal moron. Thanks for that vote of confidence. I'm 31 not 6.
The Happy Bits... Cracker Jack is vegan!!!
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