Tempeh - Indonesian for "Fermented Death."
Yesterday, after shopping at Common Market, I got a sandwich that had some thinly sliced Tempeh on it as the meat. It was the bacon flavored Tempeh to be accurate. And it was delicious. It has the word bacon in it and it's good, who would have guessed.
Based on some very powerful urging and a lot of hype (not to mention a truly magnificent sandwich) I got a slab of Tempeh from the Market yesterday.
Tempeh is fermented bean-curd paste formed into a semi-rigid slab and flavored. It can be made of many different kinds of beans but it's all essentially the same thing.
What I got was the "Three Bean Tempeh" made from Soy... Kraken and... Mothra, I think. I don't remember the other two...
I decided that the next time I had my special Ramen soup, I would thinly slice some Tempeh into it for texture, balance and flavor. So, I chopped some onions, some mushrooms and peppers and boiled some water, made my broth and dropped in seven small slices of the much-hyped, much-anticipated bean curd savior.
I was hoping that Tempeh would be my go-to substitute when I comes to meat cravings this month. I rationed out the small bit that went into the soup thinking that I would want to save the rest for later. I was going to love it so much that it would want to savor it.
I finished the soup, got the bowl over to my computer desk... there was an issue with a tortilla, but that's separate... and I ate. The soup was amazing, it always it. I put some of my favorite chili sauce in it, yum!
Then I put a piece of Tempeh in my mouth.
My brain was telling me, 'Oh Joy, how delicious!' but my taste buds disagreed with me. It had a texture like boiled camel cartilage, with highlights of random gristly bits. It tasted of... Well...
Have you ever seen the movie called Defending Your Life starring Albert Brooks? In that movie, a recently deceased Daniel Miller is forced to appear in court to show that he has overcome his fear in life so that his spirit can move forward. At the beginning of his ordeal, Daniel has lunch with his defender Bob Diamond, played by Rip Torn. The clip in question can be found Here.
Daniel is eating some normal food and he sees that Bob is essentially eating a turd. Well, it's not a turd it's just smart people food. You see, Bob uses more of his brain than Daniel and when you use that much brain power, this burnt turd tastes like... well I assume it tastes amazing. Daniel tries it and he hates it. Spits it out right away.
Tempeh is smart people food.
I choked it down, I need the protein. I have to figure out a creative way to mask the horribleness of the seventy-five percent of that slab. Super spicy soup did nothing to the flavor. I'm thinking the best possible option would be clothes pins for my nose.
The Aftermath
Yesterday, after shopping at Common Market, I got a sandwich that had some thinly sliced Tempeh on it as the meat. It was the bacon flavored Tempeh to be accurate. And it was delicious. It has the word bacon in it and it's good, who would have guessed.
Based on some very powerful urging and a lot of hype (not to mention a truly magnificent sandwich) I got a slab of Tempeh from the Market yesterday.
Tempeh is fermented bean-curd paste formed into a semi-rigid slab and flavored. It can be made of many different kinds of beans but it's all essentially the same thing.
What I got was the "Three Bean Tempeh" made from Soy... Kraken and... Mothra, I think. I don't remember the other two...
I decided that the next time I had my special Ramen soup, I would thinly slice some Tempeh into it for texture, balance and flavor. So, I chopped some onions, some mushrooms and peppers and boiled some water, made my broth and dropped in seven small slices of the much-hyped, much-anticipated bean curd savior.
I was hoping that Tempeh would be my go-to substitute when I comes to meat cravings this month. I rationed out the small bit that went into the soup thinking that I would want to save the rest for later. I was going to love it so much that it would want to savor it.
I finished the soup, got the bowl over to my computer desk... there was an issue with a tortilla, but that's separate... and I ate. The soup was amazing, it always it. I put some of my favorite chili sauce in it, yum!
Then I put a piece of Tempeh in my mouth.
My brain was telling me, 'Oh Joy, how delicious!' but my taste buds disagreed with me. It had a texture like boiled camel cartilage, with highlights of random gristly bits. It tasted of... Well...
Have you ever seen the movie called Defending Your Life starring Albert Brooks? In that movie, a recently deceased Daniel Miller is forced to appear in court to show that he has overcome his fear in life so that his spirit can move forward. At the beginning of his ordeal, Daniel has lunch with his defender Bob Diamond, played by Rip Torn. The clip in question can be found Here.
Daniel is eating some normal food and he sees that Bob is essentially eating a turd. Well, it's not a turd it's just smart people food. You see, Bob uses more of his brain than Daniel and when you use that much brain power, this burnt turd tastes like... well I assume it tastes amazing. Daniel tries it and he hates it. Spits it out right away.
Tempeh is smart people food.
I choked it down, I need the protein. I have to figure out a creative way to mask the horribleness of the seventy-five percent of that slab. Super spicy soup did nothing to the flavor. I'm thinking the best possible option would be clothes pins for my nose.
The Aftermath
I planned on making for delicious spreads and dips out of wonderful vegan ingredients today. But, the kitchen was a shambles, I could sense more Tempeh in the fridge and it's Sunday and even God rested on this day.
Maybe you could try a different kind of Tempeh. I'll see if the market carries the same brand used for your sandwich.
ReplyDeleteTempeh can be tricky, depending on what kind you buy. It can be wicked strong/bitter - however, if you steam it for 10 to 15 minutes before using it (regardless of the way you plan to use it), it makes it much more palatable.
ReplyDeleteThanks Joe, I will have to try that trick. The texture is something I'm not in love with, but can overcome... the flavor is far too bitter to bear.
ReplyDeleteOur tongues allow us to taste bitter because most things that are poisonous or decaying are bitter and not good for us. This stuff I had made my brain cry out in primal danger.
Bethany, I know that the bacon stuff is just on the right of the 3 bean stuff. I saw it and chose the 3 bean on purpose. I cannot imagine what's wrong with me!